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is made possible through the auspices of

The International R.D. Laing Institute



Colloquia Topics Index [link]Art & Literature Index



A Clearer Vision1

Harry Dudley

 

I feel I am beginning to
achieve clarity about my
confusion.

So now I must try harder to
relax.

And I will be myself as soon
as someone tells me who I
am.

And my way of living my life
is to not live my life.

And I will control your
criticizing me by giving you
all my power.

And I will meet my
profound intimacy needs by
choosing a partner who will run
away.

And I find it very
important to focus on my
flaws and faults, in order to
achieve my goal of being
perfect.

And I have a theory that
there is a conspiracy to
deprive me of my
conspiracy theories

And my mistakes
would be more forgivable If I
wasn't
already a mistake

And I am becoming
increasingly arrogant
about how humble I am.

And I don't mind
being spontaneous
as long as I don't lose
control.

And to have no identity has
become my identity.

And if I develop an identity I
will not know
who I am.

And my ongoing search for
truth requires that
I blame someone.

And I will be authentic
as soon as I know it is safe.

And I am so adjusted to
feeling bad that when I
feel good, I must feel very bad in
order to destroy feeling
good.

And since I know that joy is
followed by
suffering, I'll control my
suffering by avoiding joy.

And if you really love me,
you know what
I need; so my asking for my
needs means
You don't love me.

And how dare you
call me defensive?

And the only way I know
that I am alive is to be so
depressed that I want to die.

And I will be a better
person with inherent worth
and value as soon as I prove
myself.

And since I know I am
invisible I must ignore that
you don't ignore me.

And I only criticize you
out of my sincere need for
honesty.

And I welcome change in
my life as long as it doesn't
affect my routine.

And now that I have
resolved my confusion and achieved
clarity of
vision, I will strive for
simplicity in my life - imitating
the Buddha
and Christ conscious-
ness...

By allowing the unfold- ing
universe to provide me
with all my material needs
and wants - as soon as I'm
wealthy.  



© Harry Dudley
Calgary, Alberta Canada


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